Wednesday, February 09, 2005
YOU DON'T SAY (I Got This Weird Email)::
What if I could
GUARANTEE ENLIGHTENMENT
with the push of a button!?!
What if I said you could
AWAKEN
to all of the
LOVE, TRUTH, AND BEAUTY
in creation by visiting one website!?!
And what if I told you that you could do all this
WITHOUT A SINGLE WORD!?!
Well, it's already too late for that, isn't it? And of course it's not likely,
But what if I buried a
SPECIAL OFFER
at the end of this letter to keep you reading!?!
Don't skip to it. Instead you can
ESCAPE THIS NONSENSE
by simply linking through to http://www.wordless.us/. Or persevere in internet marketing parody.
You might be thinking that
THIS IS NOT FUNNY
and you might be right, but I'm trying.
I want you to
LAUGH YOUR LEGS OFF
or at least that part of yourself immediately atop them. Then maybe you'll go to http://www.wordless.us/.
Because by now you've figured out that
WORDS CAN LIE
and that
THIS LETTER PROVES IT!?!
After all, it was several thousand years ago that a good old boy named Lao Tzu said,
"Those who know do not say. Those who say do not know."
Another acknowledged expert, a priest, in fact, named Anthony DeMello, said,
"Truth is never expressed in words. Truth is sighted suddenly, as a result of a certain attitude."
And a master wordsmith by the name of Rudyard Kipling both denigrated and exalted his own calling with this statement:
"Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind."
More expert testimony will follow in this letter, in case you need it and in the event you stay with it. Otherwise you can just go to http://www.wordless.us/.
What can any of this do for you? My hope is that you come to the enlightened realization that
MONEY DOES NOT MATTER
so that when I show you how to
SEND SOME TO ME
you will
JUST DO IT.
Non-attachment. That's one aspect of Spirit that The Wordless wants to help you with.
But
WAIT, THERE'S MORE!?!
If you will carry a flag bearing The Wordless to the top of Mount Everest,
MAKE YOU FAMOUS
AND
WHAT THE HECK
Carry The Wordless flag to the top of any mountain and this special offer will apply. And since I can't supply Wordless flags yet, you can just wear a Wordless t-shirt, or a Wordless hat, or just hold up a Wordless postcard for the camera can see, or most especially display your RockWacker.
AW, SHUCKS,
TODAY ONLY
AND YES,
THERE'S STILL MORE
If you are an artist of any stripe other than writer, incorporate The Wordless image in any painting, sculpture, or etcetera, and you will earn
MY UNDYING DEVOTION
as well as a photo and a link. Now there's an offer not everyone will make!?!
That's enough special offer for now. If you want to occasionally receive special offers from The Wordless, when you go to http://www.wordless.us/, click the email link and tell me so. If not, do nothing, which is a policy almost as good as saying nothing.
What if I could
GUARANTEE ENLIGHTENMENT
with the push of a button!?!
What if I said you could
AWAKEN
to all of the
LOVE, TRUTH, AND BEAUTY
in creation by visiting one website!?!
And what if I told you that you could do all this
WITHOUT A SINGLE WORD!?!
Well, it's already too late for that, isn't it? And of course it's not likely,
But what if I buried a
SPECIAL OFFER
at the end of this letter to keep you reading!?!
Don't skip to it. Instead you can
ESCAPE THIS NONSENSE
by simply linking through to http://www.wordless.us/. Or persevere in internet marketing parody.
You might be thinking that
THIS IS NOT FUNNY
and you might be right, but I'm trying.
I want you to
LAUGH YOUR LEGS OFF
or at least that part of yourself immediately atop them. Then maybe you'll go to http://www.wordless.us/.
Because by now you've figured out that
WORDS CAN LIE
and that
THIS LETTER PROVES IT!?!
After all, it was several thousand years ago that a good old boy named Lao Tzu said,
"Those who know do not say. Those who say do not know."
Another acknowledged expert, a priest, in fact, named Anthony DeMello, said,
"Truth is never expressed in words. Truth is sighted suddenly, as a result of a certain attitude."
And a master wordsmith by the name of Rudyard Kipling both denigrated and exalted his own calling with this statement:
"Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind."
More expert testimony will follow in this letter, in case you need it and in the event you stay with it. Otherwise you can just go to http://www.wordless.us/.
What can any of this do for you? My hope is that you come to the enlightened realization that
MONEY DOES NOT MATTER
so that when I show you how to
SEND SOME TO ME
you will
JUST DO IT.
Non-attachment. That's one aspect of Spirit that The Wordless wants to help you with.
But
WAIT, THERE'S MORE!?!
We still haven't gotten to the
SPECIAL OFFER
because you might need more
EXPERT TESTIMONY
such as that from another master of the deceptive art named Joseph Conrad, who wrote,
"Words, as is well known, are the great foes of reality."
And, from an acknowledged Zen Master named Bankei Yotaku (1622-1693):
"Searching for words,
SPECIAL OFFER
because you might need more
EXPERT TESTIMONY
such as that from another master of the deceptive art named Joseph Conrad, who wrote,
"Words, as is well known, are the great foes of reality."
And, from an acknowledged Zen Master named Bankei Yotaku (1622-1693):
"Searching for words,
Hunting for phrases,
When will it end?
Esteeming knowledge
And gathering information
Only maddens the spirit.
Just entrust yourself
To your own nature,
Empty and illuminating.
Beyond this,
I have nothing to teach."
Even earlier than that, the mysterious I Ching had this to say:
"A quiet, wordless, self-contained joy, desiring nothing from without and resting content with everything, remains free of all egotistic likes and dislikes. In this freedom lies good fortune, because it harbors the quiet security of a heart fortified within itself."
Finally (for now), spiritual expostulator Paul Tilich wrote,
"Better that we remain silent and allow our soul, that is always longing for solitude, to sigh without words to God."
Here's what other seekers have sent after visiting the incomparable http://www.wordless.us/:
Sure, there are other wordlesses. There's a "dot com," and a "dot org," (no "dot net" yet), and they are just peachy dandy. In fact The Wordless at "dot you ess" links to them. There are also nowords dot coms and orgs and nets, I think. But we are talking here about The Wordless at "dot you ess" and we are pretending that you haven't lived until you've gone there, which you can do by clicking here: http://www.wordless.us/.
Maybe now it's finally time for that
Even earlier than that, the mysterious I Ching had this to say:
"A quiet, wordless, self-contained joy, desiring nothing from without and resting content with everything, remains free of all egotistic likes and dislikes. In this freedom lies good fortune, because it harbors the quiet security of a heart fortified within itself."
Finally (for now), spiritual expostulator Paul Tilich wrote,
"Better that we remain silent and allow our soul, that is always longing for solitude, to sigh without words to God."
Here's what other seekers have sent after visiting the incomparable http://www.wordless.us/:
Sure, there are other wordlesses. There's a "dot com," and a "dot org," (no "dot net" yet), and they are just peachy dandy. In fact The Wordless at "dot you ess" links to them. There are also nowords dot coms and orgs and nets, I think. But we are talking here about The Wordless at "dot you ess" and we are pretending that you haven't lived until you've gone there, which you can do by clicking here: http://www.wordless.us/.
Maybe now it's finally time for that
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
SPECIAL OFFER:
If you will carry a flag bearing The Wordless to the top of Mount Everest,
and there take your picture with the flag,
and then send that picture to wordless@wordless.us, I will
MAKE YOU FAMOUS
(at least insofar as posting your photo at http://www.wordless.us/ can make you famous,)
AND
I will link that photo to your favorite website.
(see disclaimer)
(see disclaimer)
WHAT THE HECK
Carry The Wordless flag to the top of any mountain and this special offer will apply. And since I can't supply Wordless flags yet, you can just wear a Wordless t-shirt, or a Wordless hat, or just hold up a Wordless postcard for the camera can see, or most especially display your RockWacker.
AW, SHUCKS,
TODAY ONLY
I must be crazy. Take a picture of any Wordless anywhere and I will honor the special offer, with photos of the critterthong given top priority.
(see disclaimer)
(see disclaimer)
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
AND YES,
THERE'S STILL MORE
If you are an artist of any stripe other than writer, incorporate The Wordless image in any painting, sculpture, or etcetera, and you will earn
MY UNDYING DEVOTION
as well as a photo and a link. Now there's an offer not everyone will make!?!
That's enough special offer for now. If you want to occasionally receive special offers from The Wordless, when you go to http://www.wordless.us/, click the email link and tell me so. If not, do nothing, which is a policy almost as good as saying nothing.
http://www.wordless.us/
Disclaimer: If I don't like your art or your picture, I won't use it. If I don't like your link, I won't use it. If you do not find enlightenment, you will have to PROVE IT. Then I'll refund your wasted darkness. In order to prove your failure to find enlightenment you will have to appear before a jury of experts and present your evidence. I am the most important juror and I happen to know that you are already enlightened, you just don't know it. Any request for a refund will be taken as proof of enlightenment.
¶ 2/09/2005 04:23:00 PM Disclaimer: If I don't like your art or your picture, I won't use it. If I don't like your link, I won't use it. If you do not find enlightenment, you will have to PROVE IT. Then I'll refund your wasted darkness. In order to prove your failure to find enlightenment you will have to appear before a jury of experts and present your evidence. I am the most important juror and I happen to know that you are already enlightened, you just don't know it. Any request for a refund will be taken as proof of enlightenment.
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